so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
