You just made me feel so damn special
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
