I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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