There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
