So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
