I smell stomach acid.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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