I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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