Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
