dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Randomize
