do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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