meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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