just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
