How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
