she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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