I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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