Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
