I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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