Your face is a jimmy john
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
