he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
