if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is Oprah even human
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
