I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
