does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
