She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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