you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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