i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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