She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
