Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you win again, gameday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
