i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
