How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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