I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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