He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Couch. On fire.
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