hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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