Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So drunk its hurt
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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