Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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