I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize