The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
