I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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