I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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