I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
