we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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