Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
