youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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