I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
