Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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