Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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