True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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