so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
