Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
