Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
