Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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