What a fucking waste of an outfit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
