the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
