Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
