Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was confusing and full of hummus
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
