Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
