I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
