Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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