Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't deserve a penis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
