So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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