Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
