mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
