What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
