My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
