Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
