I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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