So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
