My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
