I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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