Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
