my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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