My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
