i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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