My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
