I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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