I want to have your abortion
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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