I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
