You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
MIDGETS
????
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
